First, sorry for the gap in blogs, my life got a little crazy and I had to move. So now I am in my new digs and ready to pick up where I left off.
So for awhile things were good, uneventful. We would have our arguments, our breaks ups, our get back together moments. All during this time I suppressed this feeling like he was being untruthful and really didn't like me, I just made his life easier. He didn't have a car so I would take him where ever he needed to go, I was never asked if I had anything I needed to get done or if I could. On top of that, once I finished running him all around Los Angeles if I showed up 30 minutes late(just to stay at his apartment) he would be pissed at me. It just felt like no matter what I did, it was wrong.
I also started to see a pattern to our fights. It seemed like anytime he wanted to go out with or fuck another guy he would pick a fight with me in order to break up for a few days in order to do it. I guess that way it wasn't cheating. So I figured, fine, he wants to break up with me and fuck around I might as well too.
The one thing about our fights that frustrated the hell out of me was that, if we had a fight at my place he would demand I drive him home. So I would, all during the ride I would have to sit and listen to what a horrible person I was, I was worthless, selfish, no one would ever love me, I was a complete loser. Now, if we had a fight at his place and I wanted to go back to my apartment I was abandoning him, walking out without resolving anything. How is it he can leave and it's ok, but when I do the same thing it's abandonment. A perfect example of I could do nothing right.
The other reason I felt like he didn't love me was because I would have to pay for EVERYTHING. It didn't matter what it was, it could have been dinner, a magazine, groceries or cigarettes for him. If I wasn't able to his entire demeanor would change. I hated it, the thing is I love buying things for people. I love surprising them with stupid little things all the time, he didn't want any of that, he just wanted me to drive him to where he wanted to be and supply the funds for him to get whatever he wanted.
Then something changed. He would go shopping alone and come back with really expensive things, things I could never afford. Like a $1500 Lanvin Jacket, or $500 Gucci pants, all designer, all expensive. He would then still want me to pay for everything. I really started resenting this and started to refuse. He didn't understand why I was having such a problem with his poverty, a poverty I saw as being self inflicted.
Then one morning I get a phone call, he had been arrested and needed to be bailed out. I was pissed, I was even more pissed when I found out the bail was over $20,000. I didn't know what to do, so I went online and looked up bail bonds. I called one and they asked me what the charges where, I didn't know just that the bail was around $22,000. They told me they would call the jail and then get back to me with what was going on. So I waited. They called me back and told me that he had been arrested for shoplifting, procession of drugs, procession of drug paraphernalia and another charge I can't remember.
Now for anyone who has never had the wonderful experience of bailing someone out of jail, you put up the money which you will get back as long as the person appears in court. The fee for this is generally 10% of the bail. So I needed to come up with $2200 in order to get him out. While trying to figure out how I was going to pay for this, the lady at the bonds office asked me how well I knew the person and what our relationship was, I told her I had known him for a little over a year and we where friends. She then told me that I really needed to think about what I was doing. That when the bail is that high normally only family members post it. That if I posted it I better be sure that he was I person I trusted. That was all fine, but I really had no choice in the matter. I couldn't let him sit there regardless of my lack of trust. So I put $1000 on my AMEX, $1000 on another credit card and the remainder of another. I didn't know how I was going to be paying my rent that month but he assured me he had the money at his apartment. He didn't, he just told me that because he was afraid I wouldn't bail him out.
Oh, and the reason why he ended up in jail to begin with, trying to steal a $3500 bag from Barney's. So everything I was getting so upset for him buying, turns out was stolen. I was still upset, just for a completely different reason now. There are certain illegal activities that I can tolerate, stealing is not one of them, It's a pitiful crime. Plus, he not only was stealing, he was lying to me about it. Now all those feelings I had been trying so hard to suppress where getting harder to ignore.
