Inl my posts I really haven't touched on the sex. I guess I haven't mentioned it really because it was incredible. I have never felt more comfortable or free as I did with the boy. Even the very first night we fucked I was completely at ease, even when in the middle he told me he was HIV + and needed to get a condom.
I know all I have really been doing is pointing out flaws or negatives about the boy, the fact is though, when we were naked and in the heat of the moment, none of that mattered. I can also say with much certainty that the boy felt the same way.
There where however, a couple instances that brought the passion to a dead halt. The first time the condom broke being the first. Every time we had sex the boy would go into the bathroom after and make sure the condom was intact. Honestly, I never really thought much about it. I mean, you hear about condoms breaking but I always thought that was more a fear tactic parents told their children to prevent them from having sex too early.
Well, the first time it happened to us I thought the boy was going to jump off my balcony. He came out of the bathroom white as a ghost, looked at me and said, "we have a problem. The condom broke." I looked at him, could tell he was beyond upset and told him, "it's ok, come back to bed." He insisted I listen to him, and repeated the severity of the situation. I told him I knew what I was getting into, it was my decision to make and i knew the risks. That wasn't working for him, he would never forgive himself if he got me sick. I calmly told him he hadn't, I don't know how to explain the inner workings of my ass, but i knew he hadn't cum in it. I was almost certain the condom broke upon exit. I looked at him and said please just come back to bed, I love you and it will be ok.
I think I eventually got him to calm down enough to get back into bed, although I know he didn't sleep a wink that night. In the morning things were still tense, I started to worry the boy was going to be to scared to ever touch me again. I had to go to work, I told him he should call his friend in New Jersey and talk to him about what happened. His friend in New Jersey is probably the only friend he has that I trust to give him good logical advice. All his other friends are these pseudo therapist wannabes that roll out the advice like some magic 8 ball.
After a few weeks things went back to normal and he started to relax about the whole condom thing, Now, the next event that rocked our relationship, I recently found out by my Best Friend I was the one that was wrong. Yes, the boy didn't do anything this time it was all me. You see, the boy and I would very often take part in substances of the illegal sort now and then, and more often than naught one of these substances would knock you the fuck out if too much was taken.
The night in question is one of the nights too much "G" had been taken. I can remember that night like it was yesterday. We had taken our doses, the boy then wanted to take a shower. When he came out he asked if I could feel the "G", I was totally rolling and told him so. Well, he decided he needed more, which he took and then got into the bed with me. We were making out and then I started to give him a blow job. I looked up at him and I could tell if I wasn't careful he was going to pass out on me. So I jumped up and grabbed a condom, put it on his dick and took charge so to speak. The next thing that happened is still a little strange to me. I remember he kept passing out and I kept doing things to snap him back. I finally gave up, but I didn't get off his dick right away. I was just looking at him and thinking, no matter what our issues are I really do love this moron. Then it happened, I don't know if I was still moving around, or the boy was having an erotic dream, but I felt his dick start throbbing and then a warm rush shot into my ass. I got up and realized not only had the condom broken it was basically just a rubber ring at the base of his cock at this point. Which I took off of him and flushed immediately.
This was not good I thought to myself. The first time it had happened I knew he hadn't cum in my ass. This time he let it all out. I went into the bathroom and did the only thing I could think of, douched. I cleaned myself up and got back into bed. I never told him that happened. The next morning he apologized for passing out on me, I didn't even mention what had happened. I never did. Now here's the thing. That was around 4 or 5 months before I found out I was HIV+. That story I will get to, but I can say with 98% certainty that was the night I got it.
I could never EVER tell him.
This is why my friend got mad at me. I tried to explain to him I would rather have the boy think I cheated and got it that way than have him blame himself the rest of his life. I could never put that on his shoulders and I never wanted him to feel responsible for it. My friend thinks I was completely wrong, that the boy should know and it wasn't my right to keep it from him. My friend was in a 4 year relationship with someone who was HIV+, while my friend was and is not. So he has every right to tell me I was wrong, and maybe I am. But if you had the option to tell the person you love that they where the cause of something horrible in your life or blame it on someone else what would you do? I wanted to protect him from himself, I know how he would react. He already told me if he found out who I got it from he would track them down and kill them. Sadly I thought to myself, you don't have very far to go.
